January 21st, 2017
Goodbye my sweet girl
Posted by teri in Uncategorized
I knew, I knew all along. I simply was doing my very best ostrich imitation.
Isa had been having trouble getting around since well before Christmas. I thought it was the cortisone wearing off in her back. I still think that was an issue, but evidently not THE issue. She’d been eating very inconsistently as well.
Saturday she was on the bed playing with me, our long-standing weekend wrestling match and something she’d not been interested in doing in longer than I’m willing to admit. She was too close to the edge and rolled off. A perfect turtle trapped between the bed and the wall. I hauled her out, she shook it off and I didn’t think much more of it. She spent most of the weekend on her bed, not moving around much at all. Again I didn’t think too much of it – it had been that way for a while. I did notice Sunday that she was limping on her front leg.
Amazing what we can rationalize, isn’t it? I still clung to the belief that it was her back. At our regular Monday vet visit for her bandage change (her elbow never did heal), she was only barely walking, needed help with even a low curb. We were there to get her the cortisone shot as well so I thought we’d be okay in a few days once that kicked in. That was my plan anyway.
On Tuesday I was emailing a friend with the “weekend report” and suddenly remembered her falling off the bed. She must have hurt herself – I said very mean things to myself. Still I didn’t call the vet that afternoon, I waited to see if she was any better that evening. She wasn’t.
I called the vet in the morning. Our regular vet was off that day so I left a message for him and for our back up vet who was working that day. After some back and forth, I dropped Isa off for evaluation. I was still hoping it was a bruise or strained something from the fall. The tech helping me get her into the building commented on how stiff and obviously sore her right front leg was.
The back up vet called just before lunch. She talked for a while not saying much and I realized this was going to be bad news, I could hear it in her voice. This poor woman is same one that gave us the cancer diagnosis last summer. Eventually she got the words out – a metastatic lesion on her right shoulder. This stupid piece of crap disease didn’t even have the decency to metastasize properly. No, it has to start the torture all over again. The injustice of it is mind-boggling.
She kept talking for a while, “worst situation possible,” they could keep her there and we’d “take care of it” the next day or the next or I could take her home and bring her back into the office later. I said I’d call back. I needed to wrap my brain around the information.
They put a fentanyl patch on her and I brought her home. We stopped and got a puppy latte at Starbucks and McDonalds for dinner: two McDoubles for her and we split some fries. A couple of friends came over a little later and we had wine and hung out with her, lots and lots of cuddles. I brought the smaller mattress downstairs so I could sleep next to her rather than try to get her into the big bed and hurt her in the process. We cuddled all night.
She had a giant steak for breakfast courtesy of one of our evening guests and I got her another puppy latte (and coffee for me). A pig’s ear, bone broth and some scrambled eggs in the afternoon. Her appetite was just fine. Aside from several naps, she was alert and giving kisses and wagging her tail all day. That fentanyl is some good drugs.
I cuddled and talked with her all day. The neighbors came over in the afternoon to say goodbye and prop me up. About 4pm a house-call vet came. She gave Isa a sedative and then the magic elixir. I held her and talked to her the entire time. Her passing was very, very peaceful.
I’m wandering around now with a gapping hole in my chest. I frequently get stuck places, sit down to put socks on and forget to get up again. Sometimes I remember to eat. It’s probably good Wallee is insistent on her needs.
Isa visited me in my dreams last night, all four legs of course. She just sat with me while I petted her.
Run free my sweet girl.
